It has been FOREVER since I stopped by to chat, curse, and share some sexcapades.  There have been several reasons for my hiatus... work, crazy toddler, vacations, travel, exhaustion...the list can go on and on.  But, when it comes down to it, the real reason I have been taking a break is because I have been thinking about whether or not I belong in the "Mommy Blog" world.  Yes, I am a Mother.  Yes, I have a son.  Yes, I have a husband.  However, my personality, attitute, and interests are so different from these Mom Blogs I read.  Here are some reasons why:

1.   I HATE anything DIY or arts and crafty
2.   I do not like to cook
3.   I do not like to bake
4.   I never want to be called a soccer mom
5.   I pray that I'm called a MILF
6.   I truly believe that a glass of wine a day is a necessity
7.   I have serious, hair flipping, LMFAO dance parties with my son
8.   I curse...A LOT
9.   I like having crazy, wild sex with my husband...and talking to my friends about it
10.  I am a true believer that girl trips (and guy trips) are an important part of every relationship

My list of the "not so typical mom" style could go on and on.  Then I thought...who cares?  Just because I don't make home made wreaths for the front door, would rather buy a cake from Whole Foods than bake one, or enjoy having happy hour with my girlfriends and talking about the "50 Shades of Grey" antics we've been practicing in the bedroom, doesn't mean I'm not a Mom.  I'm my own style of Mom and I must say, a pretty good one.  So... I'm back biaches. 

One Sex Tape Shy of a Reality Show

As the oldest of three girls, my sisters and I are extremely close, different, and often compare ourselves and our roles to the Kardashian sisters.  I am the oldest, a mother to an adorable little boy, and (according to my middle sister) am trendy and a little neurotic, aka, Kourtney.  Teri, the middle sister, is sooo Khloe.  With her long hair, unique style, and "IDONTGIVEAFUCK" attitude, she could be no one else.  Katie, the youngest, is a complete Kim.  Her rack is huge and looks fake, she has the longest eyelashes ever, is a little emotionally needy.  All in all, we are all a perfect fit to be the Irish version of the K trio.

So here I am, watching "Khloe and Lamar" after five days of single parenting (my hubby has been in Canada for work) and I'm thinking, "How are these girls famous and why aren't my sisters and I?"  We bicker, call each other out, will defend eachother regardles of the fight (I can talk shit about my sister but you better shut your mouth!) and have an honesty and banter that can't be written for the likes of E!

If Katie had only been the one on the sex tape with Ray Jay, we could all be living in mansions, traveling from LA, to Miami, to NYC for our fashion boutiques, driving stupid expensive cars, and living the life of the Rich and Fabulous.  I guess since my sister won't take one for the team and hook up with Ray Jay, I'll continue working and living the average American lifesyle while obsessing about our Kardashian similarities and what ifs...

Ok, now off to bed to tuck Mas in and snap Scott's suspenders.

Ass Hole Day

I love warm weather.  I worship the sun, shorts, and beautiful days.  So I have to say that I have not been upset in the slightest that Maryland has decided to adopt southern winters with 70 degree January days.  The problem is...I never know what to wear.  Do I dress in the normal winter gear of boots, scarves, and warm coats or do I risk it and go with short sleeves, maybe a jacket?  With my job, I walk around the beautiful nations capital on a day to day basis so I am outside for a good portion of my day. 

Well...two days ago I had to leave super early to go to a dermatologist appointment before work.  Normally, my morning routine involves the backround noise of the daily news with weather reports.  Well,  I was up before the hubby and baby, so I got dressed and ready in the the bathroom and slipped out the front door with a few quick forehead kisses and a coffee.  Since it was raining when I left the house, I threw on my trusty Hunter rainboots, thick-lining socks, and a rain coat.  Well, after I got out of the dermatologist and headed downtown to start my day, the sun was shining.  I felt like an idiot and I was borderline in a full sweat before I got out of my car.  After seeing my first client of the day (who asked if it was raining outside??) I decided I couldn't walk around all day wearing huge, hot rain boots when it was 70 degrees and sunny.  I went into Payless and figured I could buy a cute, cheap pair of shoes to hold me over.  Well...other then the fact that apparently Payless has forgotten about the "less" part in their name, the new shoes didn't work out.  As I went to try on a pair of champagne flats, I ripped my tights.  So, in a fit of rage, I took the tights off (yes, in the middle of Payless) and put my boots back on.

So...picture this girl.  Thick rain boots with wool socks, a cotton dress, bare, pale legs showing between the boots and the rain coat.  Oh...and I forgot to mention that I don't wear underwear when I wear tights so at this point, I'm walking around downtown comando style.  I now run into a nearby Macy's and buy a $2.00 thong so at least if the wind blows, I'm wearing SOMETHING.  At this point, a huge part of me thinks it might just be a good idea to call it a day.  I look like an absolute moron.  Everyone and their mother got the memo that it was going to be a nice day outside except me.  I decide to share my misery with my sisters. 

My text to them reads:

"I'm a hot mess today.  I had to leave early this morning when it was raining so I put on rainboots.  Now it's not raining so I look like an idiot.  My tights got a huge hole so I took them off and now have pale legs.  I had to get something removed from my face at the dermatologist so I have a huge red mark on my cheek.  Should prob just call it a day at this rate!"

One of my sisters responses:

"Hahaha.  Seriously.  Time to quit!  You look like an ass hole."

I don't disagree.  True story girl.

Not Losing Myself

Being a mom to an amazing, absolutley insane and adorable little boy has been the highlight of my life thus far.  He can make me smile when nothing is going my way.  He can drive me so crazy and then just flash those snaggle teeth and make my heart melt.  He has turned me into a person I never imagined I could be.  A mom.  I have transformed from an organized, young, crazy, cool young adult, to a full fledged working mother who sings "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and points to every car on the high way.  I call him names like "my little chunky do" and my "Bubby."  Don't ask where I got either of those names...I wouldn't be able to tell you.

Through this almost 16 month journey of having a living creature, that I made and carried, on this earth, I have struggled to not lose myself while becoming a mom.  I don't want to judge anyone's parenting tactics or family dynamics but I am trying so hard to continue and keep my friendships strong, my relationship young, and myself sane.  The latter is probably the hardest!

My days are non-stop, my nights are chaotic and restless, and my child is sometimes the kid at the park with banana in his hair and blueberry stains on his shirt.  I can't do it all and if the worst thing about my day is that I didn't have time to put the dishes in the dishwasher or I didn't feel like fighting my toddler to change his shirt, who fucking cares?  It is VERY hard for me to relax and let little things go but I have slowly come to find that in order to maintain myself and keep the Michelle I used to know, I need to let the Mommy in me relax and not try to keep up with the craft making, pinterest pinning, recipe following "super" moms.  Maybe I cuss too much, sometimes I might drink too much wine, and when the weather is nice, my child spends way too much time in a running stroller. 

Please let me know you struggle as much as I do to be a great Mom but not lose yourself in the process..?!?!

Loser Lunch Table

With competitive, ridiculously stubborn, and obnoxious parents, my poor son doesn't stand a chance. He needs to be fun, popular, and with a perfect quarterback name like Brody, I expect to see his name splashed throughout Sports Center. With a super athletic husband and my high calves, he is bound to be super athletic and cool...right? Of course, in our eyes, at 15 months he is perfect, fit to be king of the town, and will end up being a super star at a Division 1 college where we will tailgate, make great memories, and live vicariously through his fun. No pressure of course!

Well...my "perfect" husband and "perfect" son do share one little not so perfect commonality. They are both allergic to peanut butter. Since the first time my husband took at bite of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich around age one, he broke out in a rash. His mom tried one more time and the reaction worsened so he has never tried the stuff since. Can you imagine going through life without a Reese cup or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I sure can't.

So, when I told our doctor about my husband’s allergy, she told me to stay away from nuts until after my son turned one. After my sons first birthday, we had him allergy tested and the test came back with very high allergic numbers to nuts. So...we have stayed away from the nut butters in this house. I still indulge in my regular snack of peanut butter and apples but the men...then tend to stick to grilled cheese and waffles. My entire family, Brody's babysitters, and about anyone who will listen to a first time mother ramble, knows that my son has a nut allergy. You can only imagine my shock and freak out when my mom shoved a peanut butter Christmas cookie in my sons mouth last weekend at a party. She blames it on the fact that the cookie was died pink so she didn't realize it was peanut butter. I say, any cookie that has those fork marks and a Hershey's Kiss topper is obviously a peanut butter cookie. I don't care what fucking color it is. After I flipped out and watched my sons lips swell up like Will Smith's on the movie Hitch, I poured Benadryl down his throat and within 45 minutes, the lips were back to normal. What a scary situation.

The next day was Christmas Eve so I explained the entire scenario to my family. As I shared the story and the fact that Brody IS allergic to peanut butter, my middle school aged cousin just looked at me with a "sucks to be you" look on his face. "What Aiden??" I questioned, knowing he had something to say. "Well," he said "Brody is going to have to sit at the loser lunch table. The kids with food allergies have a separate lunch table and it's really pathetic and there is only like one or two of them there. It sucks." WHAT?? Not my son. The quarterback of the football team. He sits at the cool lunch table. WTF are you talking about??

Apparently, with all the food allergies out there today, there are now segregated lunch tables in schools. Let me tell you...this did not make me happy. I walked right into his 15 month doctors well visit today and flat out asked my pediatrician if my son was going to sit at the loser lunch table and what I could do about this. I'm sure she already thinks I'm insane since when she asked me if he was walking/climbing I responded "Yes, he's a fucking crazy man." I used the F word at the pediatricians’ office. Don't judge me until you're a mental working mom with a 15 month old son who literally doesn't stop moving, pulling hair, smacking, laughing at you, or trying to climb on and jump off furniture.

So...as I drag this post on and on, let me get to the point. My perfect, insanely popular, athletic, and desirable son might have to sit at the loser lunch table one day. Soak that in people, because it is not an easy thing for this pushy, mental mom to digest.

Well Hello Vegas...It's About Time We've Met

If I haven't made it blatenly obvious already, let me spell it out for you.  I love to party.  I literally smile when I think about getting dressed up, heading to the bar, dancing and having a great time.  It has been really hard for me to totally adjust my life to the fact that this "party" side is never going to be what it was now that little Brody is running the show.  Don't get me wrong, I am in LOVE with my son and wouldn't trade it for any amount of vodka sodas or techno clubs but...a mom still needs to get her fun in.

Because of my love for lavish cocktails and late night dancing, it may be surprising to hear that until a few weeks ago...I was a Vegas Virgin.  There is no rhyme or reason as to why I haven't travelled the less than five hours on Southwest to get to that gorgeous, sinful city.  It just hasn't happened.  So...when my work asked me to attend a trade show in Vegas, I didn't hesitate.  Of course, no trip comes easy anymore with babysitter changes and figuring out a serious schedule with the husband but I was determined to make this happen.  After pages of handwritten notes to the hubby (not like he NEEDS them, it just made me feel better) and a quick trip to Forever21 to find some cheap, hoochie dresses, I was on a plane to Vegas.

Yes, this was work related but there are a few people in my work crowd who love cocktails and dancing as much as I do and luckily, they would also be in attendance.  After spending the plan ride watching the Hangover (just prepping myself) I got there at what would be 5:00 my time at only 1pm.  I had nothing to do for work until 6:30pm that night so I went straight to the hotel, checked in my room, and then took myself and my push-up Vickie's bathing suit to the pool.  There, I ordered myself a marg and sat.  I did nothing.  It was early November, 80 degrees, no humidity, and I didn't have a care in the world. 

After a work dinner, we ventured out to the casinos at the Paris hotel.  I'm not a big gambler but I watched some of the guys lose their money as me and my super fun and cute counterpart from the Carolinas plotted our way to get over to the new and glamorous Cosmopolitan hotel. 

http://www.cosmopolitanlasvegas.com/

Once we did our team time, we collected the “fun group,” made our escape, and jumped into cabs that jetted us the three quick minutes down the street to “sanctuary.”  I had heard this place was where you needed to go to see and be seen.  We went to the four story chandelier bar where we sipped on cosmos (DUH!) and watched the hotness of every person in that bar.  I started to see lines forming near a side entrance and realized, we were outside a huge club.  These lines were intense and these girls were wearing lingerie.  LITERALLY.  Apparently, it was pajama night and I didn't get the memo.  I had to get into this club.

  After what seems like hours of eye fucking a big bouncer, he gave me the head nod to come around the side and get in the short line.  I grabbed my people, pulled out a credit card, and got us into that club!  We spent hours and hours on the rooftop, moving from poolside to techno house club.  I was addicted.  I could have stayed there all night if I wasn't reminded about our 9:00am meeting the next day.

Needless to say, my first trip to Vegas was amazing and it was for WORK!  I’ve already planned a girls trip with my friends for next summer.  I’ve gotta get some serious partying in before Brody even thinks about becoming a big brother!

Missing You

There are so many things to update on right now.   The successful first birthday of my beautiful baby boy.  My husbands new job and the fact that he will actually be in the state of Maryland this week.  The fact that I managed to put my blackberry through the washing machine and bang my car into the side of a wall all in the same short week.  However...right now I don't want to talk about any of that and none of it seems to matter.  Right now, the only thing that is on my mind is that I miss my dad.  So much.

Today it has been five years since my dad passed away.  Not only was he the funnest, kindest, most loyal, and most memorable person most people have ever met, he was truly an absolutley amazing father.  I feel insanely blessed that I grew up with a man who loved me so much worked so hard to give me, my mom, and my sisters anything we ever wanted.  He loved me with ever fiber in his body and I will never forget that. 

It hurts my heart that my son will never get to know how wonderful and amazing his grandfather was.  My dad would have been the absolute best grandfather imaginable.  There is no way I will ever be able to explain to Brody how cool and fun and awesome his grandpa "Big Joe" was, but I am sure as hell going to try...

You Couldn't Live My Life

One summer during college, I think it was between my junior and senior year, I was busy.  I had an internship during the day, worked out with a trainer for about 2 years to prepare for my senior soccer season, and worked at a bar every night as a cocktail waitress.  When I was tired, stressed, or felt super busy, my signature phrase would be "You couldn't live my life."  I would say this to my parents, aunts, uncles...pretty much anyone who would listen.  My dad used to crack up in my face and say "Girl, I would love to live your life.  Your life is awesome and easy.  You couldn't live MY life." 

Well, he was right.  I was getting college credits for my internship, I worked out with a trainer for free because we had crushes on each other and would make out, and I spent my nights flirting and drinking beer while I made money.  That was as amazing as funfetti cake!  It was so simple.  If I could turn back the clock I would remind myself how simple and stress free that time really was.  Well...fastforward about seven years later and here I am.

My latest blogging hiatus goes to show the immense INSANITY my life has been in.  I got a promotion at work (good thing).  My husband got a new job (good thing).  My son started walking and is all over the place (good thing).  However, with all of these good new things in our life, come the craziness.  With the more responsibility I have at work, comes more work.  My husbands new job is a great career move for him and for our family.  The downside, he will be travelling and in training both out of the state and out of the country for the next 6-8 weeks.  This means, I'm a crazy, working, "single" mother on Mondays through Fridays and then the hubby comes home on the weekend.  Talk about crazy!

While going through all of this, I am still training for the Baltimore half-marathon.  The race is in 4 weeks so I'm putting in about 26-28 miles a week.  Yes, I put this added stressor on myself but I signed up for this race way before the rest came about.  Thank God for Moms and sisters because I wouldn't be able to get through the next few months without them. 

The only positive in to this busy lifestyle?  I'm five pounds thinner than I was before I got pregnant...Holler! 
So...I now have to say... You Couldn't Live My Life!

Beach Baby

My babes and I have taken a slight hietus to relax at the beach, drink beers, bronze our bodies, and just relax.  I was very nervous that my first beach get-a-way with a baby would be a disaster.  I am used to getting to the beach, getting up by 10am, frying my body in the sand until at least 4pm when it is time to start boozing, bathing, and getting ready for a night out.  Things were a bit different this year but mostly, in a good way.  Having Brody to laugh at, look at, and play with made our beach days even more entertaining.  We are also so lucky to have a big family who loves my son immensely so they jumped at the chance to walk him, take him up for a nap, or let me and the hubby go out for a night of drinking.  Seriously, what would I do without the fam?


Brody was obsessed with the water.  I mean, a kid named Brody should love the beach, right?  If the penis didn't give it away, his attitude and actions scream BOY.  This kid was face diving into waves (p.s. he's 10 months old).  I am going to have a serious trouble maker and heart breaker on my hands.  I'm fine with the heart breaking...I'm not a fan of teenage skanks anyway.


So, without further ado...here are the latest and greatest of my little beach bum

Don't lie to yourself...this is the cutest baby ever.  I might not be able to have more kids because there is no way I can dublicate this cuteness.

That's right and hopefully his friends think so in 15 years when he's in high school.  I wouldn't mind be the hot mom.  Just saying...

Real Housewives??

I have said it once and I'll say it again. I am obsessed with  Bravo and the Real Housewives.  It doesn't matter which season (even though I have my favorites), I get involved, intertwined, and obsessed with their catty fights, ridiculous lifestyles, and bitchy attitudes.  The Real Housewives of NYC is definitley my least favorite.  These women just annoy me.  I don't have a favorite or even a feeling that I could hang out with one of them for the day and have a great time.  This doesn't mean, however, that I don't watch every episode and have an opinion on their every move and attitude.

So...last night while I was straining my tired eyes to stay awake and watch the Reunion Show part 2, I found myself getting irritated.  As they went back and forth during the entire show (poor Andy Cohen) bitching and fighting, I was barely paying attention.  But then they started getting on Ramona and saying she has a drinking problem.  First of all, I will start by saying that I am not a super Ramona fan.  She is obnoxious and a little ridiculous but spunky and wants to have fun.  Regardless, they showed clips of her and her constant need, love, and demand of pinot grigio.  So?????  If these women think Ramona has a drinking problem, they themselves have mental problems.

The woman loves her some pinot...so do I.  As a matter of fact, I have a big glass of delicious Barefoot Pinot Grigio right now.

http://www.barefootwine.com/

Why can't the woman have a glass (or 4) of wine at social events if she wants to?  I don't care if it's 10:00 in the morning or 10:00 at night.  If she wants some wine, give her some wine.  I expect some type of alcoholic beverage at any event I go to.  If I show up somewhere and it's a sober event, I am irritated.  I don't care if it's a breakfast, a baby shower, or my grandma's 85th birthday.  I demanded alcohol at my baby shower because I said I didn't want everyone else to suffer and be sober just because I had to be.  Does this make me an alcoholic?  Maybe I love my cocktails because I am a working mom of a 10 month old and my only connection to sanity is the large glass of wine I consume each night.  Maybe it's because I actually love the taste of wine and champagne.  Or maybe...just maybe, it's because I'm 27 years old and if I want a fucking drink, give me one. 

So Ramona, if you want these woman to butt out, just use my favorite phrase...DTMMB.  Don't Tell Me My Business.  I use this at home, at work, and with friends.  If you want wine, pour a glass and shout out DTMMB. 

With that, I'm off to finish this wine, finish some work, and start packing for my vacation that starts bright and early Friday morning.  I might even drink a mimosa on the way to the beach (the husband will be driving).  How do you like me now Jill Zarin?!

Dance Party USA

When days, months, minutes, and motherhood start to get stressful or overwhelming, there are certain things that people to to revamp and refresh.  Maybe a massage?  A glass of wine?  Exercise?  Read a book?  I am a fan of all of these things but sometimes, I prefer to do something a little different and "crazy" to clear my mind. 

Before I continue, I need to define "crazy" in my terms.  I tend to call things, people, and events crazy all of the time.  It is the main adjective I use when describing my family and myself.  We're all fucking crazy.  But I mean this in the best way.  We're obnoxious, loud, outspoken, opinioned people who love a strong cocktail and a great time.  So, if I describe someone (or myself) a crazy bitch, it's a borderline compliment. 

Anyway...I love fun.  I love to sing, celebrate, laugh, do different things, and have a great time.  Motherhood has changed me but not drastically.  During my pregnancy, I was constantly committing myself to remain the fun, outgoing person I am and I feel like I've done a pretty good job at keeping up the role.  Brody has learned to adjust to a life of crazy and has become his own little perfect shade of crazy.  This kid doesn't stop moving and is constantly laughing, getting into trouble, and crawling/running in circles around the house.  Yes, I know that all kids are active but my kid is SUPER active.  Trust me, I've done the research.  This being the case, he thinks it's an insane good time to blast music and have dance parties.  I'm not making this up.  He loves music (especially the liking of my boo Britney Spears, Keisha, some serious 80's jams, and a few hard core rap remixes).  When we get home from work/the babysitters, we usually go buck wild for about a half hour, tearing through toys, jumping around the house, and crawling around the floor. 

Well, the other day he was just not feeling any of his toys.  He threw the fire truck.  Threw the baseball bat.  Threw the books.  Threw EVERYTHING in my house.  So...I sat him down, blasted Britney, and started seriously jumping and dancing around him in circles.  I was singing, swinging my long ponytail in his face, and shaking every part of this "semi back in shape" body.  I'm sure he felt as mesmerized as I did when I was at the actual Britney concert because he didn't make a peep for 30 minutes as he sat, stared, and smiled.  As the cardio continued, I put him on my shoulders so he could join in on the fun.  It was seriously like Christmas for this kid.  He couldn't stop smiling and laughing.  When my husband did the sneak attack in the front door and stood there watching this ridiculous scene for about 5 minutes before I caught him, his exact words were "What's wrong with you?"  I couldn't breathe well enough to respond.

Later that evening, I was sitting outside with a few neighbors, enjoying a nice glass of wine when my next door neighbor asked "Were you working out in your basement earlier?  I heard the techno/dance music blasting."  For a minute I thought, maybe I'll lie to make myself sound a little more normal but decided that honesty was the best way to handle this.  "Oh no, that was just me and Brody having a serious dance party.  He loves Britney and Keisha."

If you don't feel a little less crazy after reading about my craziness, I can't help you.




Happy Monday!

A Day in the Life

It is very hard for me to admit when I am not doing something well.  I strive to be a perfectionist and have am very OCD about a lot of things.  My husband "jokes" that I don't know how to relax but in reality, he is correct.  When I am sitting on the couch, I am thinking about other things I could be doing (dishes, laundry, exercising, reading, etc).  Life in itself is pretty busy for me these days but this crazy quality makes it even worse.  As I said in my last post, I am becoming HORRIBLE at keeping up with this blog and am contemplating whether or not it is something I am going to continue.  I truly do love writing and sharing but I don't want it to be something I have to do, but something I want to do.  So, in the effort to make somewhat of an excuse for my lowsy blogging updates lately, here is a quick outline of my daily life.  Once you see this, you will see that I am not just a crazy person, I am actually very busy these days.

5:40am:  Alarm goes off
5:55am:  Out the door to run 4-6 miles and sometimes a track interval workout
7:10am:  Home just in time for the husband to gulp down a bowl of cereal before he heads off to work
7:15-8:15am:  Get myself showered, dressed, make up face, fed, son dressed, fed, diaper changed
8:15-9:30am:  Babysitter drop off and then commute an hour to our nation's capital for work.  This hour usually includes conference calls, catch up calls with clients and co-workers, or serious jam sessions
9:30am-4:30pm: visit clients, attend meetings, lunches, cold call, put through orders, pretty much talk on the phone or work on the blackberry and laptop all day
4:30-5:30pm: Babysitter pickup and commute home
6:00pm-8:00pm - Dinner time, play time, bath time, Brody bed time
8:00pm-10:00pm - some nights I have another hour or so of work to do on the computer.  Then it's time to prep the diaper bag, pack lunches, chug a glass of wine, possibly get some QT in with the hubby, and then I'm off to bed.

I just got exhausted writing that.  Of course, every day is not exactly the same but you get the idea.  To add fuel to fire, we have been out of town nearly every other weekend attending weddings of friends.  My poor son has been all over the place (thank god he won't remember how many weekends we had to leave him during his first 12 months!).  I am constantly talking about needing "me" time but am slowing starting to realize that this so called "me" time is not something that most moms get on a regular basis.  So...when you pull up my blog and see that I am MAYBE writing once a week, I consider that an accomplishment!  I have seriously thought about soliciting my friends to help make over my blog and remind me to write.  I know that my life is not very different from every mom out there, I am just having a hard time making time for everything, including my little blog that is in desperate need for some TLC.

In about two weeks, my little family is off to the beach and I absolutley cannot wait.  This mommy needs some serious sun, sand, and alcohol.

Bad Blogger

Ok people...I think it's do or die time for this sassy, working mom.  First of all, I would like to say that I am a really sore loser.  I like being right, good at everything, and am one stubborn, Irish lady.  This being the case, the fact that I am becoming a horrible blogger does not make me happy.  I need to either step my game up or accept the fact that it's pretty hard to be a wife, mom, house keeper, account manager, grocery shopper, partier, and exerciser.  I mean seriously, can I really add good blogger to that list?  I absolutely love to write and share the reality in which I live so I hope I can make a commitment to sip my wine by the computer at night while I blog away.

This is my personal pep talk.  I need to give these to myself every so often when I feel like a part of my life is slaking.  Right now, the exercising, working, mom and wife part are my top priorities (not in that order!) but I want to make sharring my life one too.  I just hope that by reading my craziness and listening to my blunt words, you all find some entertainment.  Stay tuned...hopefully more to come!

Happy Weekend!

Happy July 4th weekend!  I am starting my weekend off with a delicious orange crush. 

I hope yours is full of fun and cocktails!

Movie Review

No, I am not an acclaimed critic or really an insane movie watcher who joins online movie reviews or follows movie blogs.  Regardless, I am going to tell each and every one of you what I think about this movie.  Unless you are a prude and hate fun, you MUST see it.

The title alone pulled me towards the movie theatre.  This year, I am a bridesmaid in three weddings and already have another one lined up for 2012.  Because of this, I know the craziness that can go on but especially, the emotions women go through when their friends are getting married.  But also, I knew that with this group of actresses, it would be a funny film and I was ready for some raunchy laughs.  Friends and co-workers, men and women alike, have told me how funny it is so I was prepared.

My mom, sister, and I ventured to a Sunday afternoon movie and in the first five minutes, I knew this was going to be great.  The converstation, blunt honesty, and great combination of friends, family, and wedding craziness really made it a great, see again, movie. 

Not to be a spoiler, but I just need to say how much I appreciated one character.  Although I have only lived nine wonderful months with a son, I have already realized how the testosterone is taking over my house.  Everything is trucks, blue, sports.  We don't play delicately with toys...instead we throw them, bang our head on the ground, and laugh.  One bridesmaid kept going on about her three sons and how she NEEDED to get out of the house.  "You know, they get to that age and there is semen everywhere!"  She begged for a Vegas bachelorette party so she could show off a hot, new tube top and hang out with some people with vaginas and boobs.  I couldn't help but hysterically laugh as she went on and on about her sons.

If you don't like crude language, innapropriate converstaions, sex scenes, or poop...you won't like this movie.  If you enjoy a little of the above, which I enjoy a lot of each, you are going to be as big a fan as I am.

Enjoy friends!

http://www.bridesmaidsmovie.com/

Things I've learned...

The last few weeks have been crazy for me.  Between work, sick baby, sick hubby, and just life in general, it's been an absolute shit show.  Although I'm not old in age (27 years young), I do believe that I am aged in life experiences.  Yes, part of my life is just a puppy but there are things that this 27 year old has gone through that many 50+ years olds have yet to experience.  In the last five years, my life has absolutely turned upside down.  Some for the good, some for the horrible, and some just becaust that's what happens when you grow up.  I have dealt with the death of a parent (my dad passed away almost 5 years ago), went through serious relationships and married my college sweet-heart, bought my first house, lived 10 fun filled months super prego and then experienced almost 48 hours of labor that ended in a C-section, and am now a working mom.  Yeah...shit just got serious!  So, during the last few weeks of crazy in my life, here is what I have learned.  Please read, remember, and learn ladies (and gentlemen?)

1.  Exercise really helps a stressful day
2.  Once your child crawls, you will never pee or poop in peace again
3.  No matter what, stay connected with your true friends
4.  You're husband isn't ALWAYS wrong...cut him some slack
5.  Don't sweat the small stuff (easier said than done with this crazy)
6.  A blow job or a quickie is an easy way to end any fight
7.  Wine heals all wounds
8.  When your 9 month old has a double ear infections, don't expect to sleep
9.  Dry shampoo is a lifesaver
10.  Take a chill pill and your birth control pill every day
11.  A potty mouth isn't always a bad thing...saying "fuck that shit" can sometimes make you feel better
12.  One morning you'll wake up and realize that your sisters have turned into your best friends
13.  As much as I say I want it, I don't know if I could be a stay-at-home mom
14.  I kinda like being the only female in an all male office.
15.  And last but not least...I'm one crazy bitch and the fact that I've found someone to love and live with me forever is a an absolute blessing!

So...this is my advice for the week.  Take it or throw it right back at me, that's up to you.  Happy weekend biatches! 

Sick Babies = Tired Mommy

Before I start writing/bitching, I want to ask all of my engaged, just married, or thinking of having a kid soon friends and followers to stop reading.  Seriously.  I want all of you to have kids and make beautiful little friends for my baby but if you read this, you might get off the baby bandwagon.

Yes, I said I have sick baby(S).  This is because I have both a sick 9 month old son and a sick 27 year old husband.  After being away all of last Saturday day and night for a friends crazy and fun bachelorette party in NYC, I drove home Sunday early afternoon to find two sick boys.  The big boy with a cough and sinus infection and the baby boy with a teperature of 102.  After squirting motrin and tylenol down his throat for hours and the temp going up, not down, I decided it was time to call the on call doctor.  She told me that 104 (which the temp was now up to) was very high for an almost 9 month old and we needed to bring him to the emergency room.  After a few hours of tests, monitoring, and more drugs, the fever came down and we were sent home with a miserable baby, a viral infection, a sinus infection, and directions to drug him full of motrin, tylenol, and anti-biotics.  His fever came and went for two more days until it finally went away for good.  I worked from home one day and took one day off because there was no way I could leave the pathetic little face.  So...as I am nursing my poor little baby back to health, my husband insists his case is getting worse, even on anti-biotics, and chugs Nyquil so he can get some sleep.  I'm not saying I don't believe he's sick, he is.  The thing is, when men are sick, it is like the entire world has ended.  I was sick about a month ago and still worked every day, took care of a babe, and travelled to Florida for work for 3 days.  Let's get serious hubs. 

Since our little prince is waking up every 1-2 hours choking on the flem that is draining down his throat, there is no chance of sleep if he is not propped up, laying on my chest.  So here we are in bed, a big baby on one side, coughing/sleeping and a little baby laying on me, twirling my hair into knots, screaming, and coughing.  The little babe wakes up every few hours and Mommy is EXHAUSTED.

The hubby does, however, get enough strength and energy every few hours or so to try and take my shorts off or penis poke me in between the snob wiping and drug giving routine I have taken over for our son.  Seriously??  Yes, you're hot.  Yes, I would love to have sex with you.  Please call/poke me after I have time to wipe the snot and eye goop out of my hair, off my chest, legs, arms, and stomach.  How can guys be so sick that they literrally can barely breathe between coughs but still can feel good enough for a quickie?  I am a hot mess and you're coughing up a lung and look like death.  I'm totally turned on, just do me now...

By mid week...I had to go into work.  I drug my poor son before shipping him off to the babysitters and then try to put enough make up on my face to make it look like I'm a semi-human and not a walking zombie.  I'm not kidding when I say I am more tired right now than I ever was during infancy.  Having one sick baby sucks and having two is even worse.  All I want to do is drink an entire bottle of wine and sleep for 8 hours.  Not happening.

Today I thought maybe if I did Brody's hair, he'd perk up a little.  If I'm ever feeling down or sickly, a shower, some bronzer, and a serious hair straightening does the job for me.  Not so much for this little guy...

My boys better get well soon because this working Moma can't handle it!

Move over Longaberger...there's a new party in town!

I have said it before and I will say it again...everyone looks better with a tan.  It makes clothes look better, lip gloss look brighter, arms look slimmer, and it really just puts a smile on peoples faces.  I would put money on the fact that most girls feel better about themselves in the summer time vs. winter simply due to the fact that their skin has a tint of gold.

Although I am obsessed with being tan, I'm not obsessed with the fact that I has a little skin cancer scare last year.  I am irish, I have freckles, and I had a very small basel cell on my eye lid.  Everything is fine, they removed it with ease and you would never be able to tell it was there.  BUT...I am now more cautious when it comes to bronzing.  I refuse to be pale but am not a moron.  I know that it isn't smart for me to fry my skin like I did during spring break so many years ago.  Because of this, I have discovered spray tanning and I'm hooked!  I usually go to a salon near my house, pay my $25 and stand in a booth for 10 seconds as a cool mist covers my  body.  It's quick, easy, and within minutes, I'm tan.  I could seriously do this once a week (the tan lasts about 5 days).  When I saw that one of my high school friends is now doing spray tanning as a little side business, I jumped at the opportunity to gather my girlfriends and introduce them to my new found love.

I mean seriously, if someone is going to have a house party, do they really want to sit in your living room, look at baskets or tupperware, and sip on soda?  No way.  Who wouldn't pay $20 to get tan and tipsy.  I provided the wine and the girls brought over their pale, make-up less bodies to get bronze.  My friend set up her pop up tanning tent in my basement and we took turns going downstairs, stripping down, and having her tan us.  As you can probably tell through my writing, I'm not a modest person.  I opted to get sprayed in a thong and nothing else.  I think my next venture will be completely nude.  You don't have to bare it all, you can wear a bathing suit, bra and undies, whatever you feel comfortable in.  It seriously was the perfect Thursday night.  Friends, several bottles of wine, and a beautiful tan.  I couldn't ask for more.

20 minutes before this...I was the palest thing you have ever seen.  OBSESSED with the spray tan.

10K What?!?!

Yes!  That is me, my sister, and my trusty running partner right after we kicked some serious ass in my first race PB (post Brody).  I was definitley nervous leading up to this.  I had only ran 6 miles once pb and knew that the course would be a little more hilly than my typical 4-5 mile run on the running trail.  But...when you subtract the 30+ pounds of baby and running stroller that is part of my regular training routine, my body felt light as a feather. 

It was a perfect morning for a run and a perfect start to a summer full of training for a half marathon in October.  Bring it on competitions...this mama is ready!

Push it...Push it Real Good

I can’t believe my baby graduated from college…my baby sister that is.  For some reason, my sister graduating from college makes me feel older than the fact that I am married and have a child.  I guess she was my link to the young life.  I could link her with ideas, fun, and trends.  “Oh yea, isn't that cool? My sister in college told me about that.”  We had such a great weekend celebrating her hard work and determination.  It really is a fete to graduate in four years, cum laude, and still have a serious pair of party pants. 

After the ceremony, our family drove the 30 minutes it takes to get to the beach from her school and celebrated with a little lunch and some sangria at the beach condo my mom rented for the weekend.  It is guaranteed to be nothing but fun (and a little drama) when our family gets together.  As the stories, drinks, and laughs grew, we all knew it was going to be a memorable night.   It is tradition in her school for every graduate and family member to go to Seacrets that night.  Seacrets is a huge beach bar on the bay that is complete with several bars, bands, a little indoor club action, and always a great spot for people watching.  We got there around 5:00pm and enjoyed some time together before her entire graduating class and their entourages showed up.  After a few hours, we made our way from the table and started standing around one of the beach bars, dancing to the tunes of a great beach/cover band.  They were playing a good deal of Eagles, Steve Miller Band, and other classics that were great for singing along to.

After one song concluded, the main singer gave a shout out to the crowd…”Any requests?”  Without hesitation, my middle sister shouts out…”Salt-n-Pepper Push it.”  We all start laughing, never thinking these t-shirt and flip-flop wearing, shaggy haired guys would know it.  After about 10 seconds, the first few notes to the song were strummed on the guitar and he pointed to my sister and told her to come on up.  The three of us ran up there and jumped on stage.   She grabbed the mic and began…”Oh baby baby, Ohh baby baby.”  As the band played, my middle sister must have had a flash back to the tight jeans and baggy Calvin Klein t-shirt wearing days of middle school and early high school.  Every single word of that song came streaming out of her mouth as she gripped the microphone and pumped up the crowd.  My youngest sister and I became the back-up singers shouting “Salt and Pepa’s here!”  My mom was glowing with pride.  Her three educated, smart, grown daughters were rocking out on a stage while old men whistled and young girls danced.

With work, babies, boys, and life, the three of us don’t get a ton of time to be silly and fun together like we did for the first 20 some years of our lives.  Well…at that beach bar in front of the Salisbury University graduating class of 2011, we pushed it…we pushed it REAL good.